"Dang. Now what do we do?"

Pay Close Attention to Road Signs!

Like Father, Like Son...

Great Disguise There, Genius!

The Elaborate Criminal Mind at Work!

You just have to ask WHY?

I guess cops do things a little different overseas. I just can't see how testing a motorcycle indoors can be a good idea in any country! Idle time and cops can be a very bad combination!

"Brief" Traffic Stop

Fight the Donut Wise-Cracks!

There's nothing I hate more that those darn donut wise-cracks we get from those unemployed comedians that comprise a good portion of those citizen contacts we encounter.

I have been taking a proactive stance on this front and taking the fight to these unemployed comedians. I am sure you have also been a victim at the hands of a drive by donut wise-cracking.

Here is your chance to fight back. Picture yourself in the below familiar scenario and tell the world how you have responded to, or have wanted to respond to, the last donut wise-crack thrown at you.

As you know, these scenarios are where we bite our tongues to avoid a complaint. But there's no need to bite your tongue here. Tell us what you would say or have said in response to those old donut wise-cracks...
Give it Back to Them Here!
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When walking into a gas station to get a bottle of water, a customer in line looked over at me and asked with a smirk, "Where's the nearest donut shop officer?" I had been waiting for this moment since the last drive-by donut wise-cracking I experienced a few weeks ago.

I turned to him and said, "_______________________________________" ...

(Fill in the blank and keep it clean...)

-BM

The 3 Rules

All the civilians, or "silly-vilians" as I like to call them, that I come in contact with on or off duty always complain and moan about what cops should do and what cops shouldn't do. The comments usually start with, "Oh you're a cop, well let me tell you what a cop did to me..."

I always tell them the same thing and that I have the answer for all their concerns and criticisms about cops. I let them in on the three cardinal rules that all cops are taught on the first day of the academy and that plays an important role in everything cops do.

If the civilian world would simply understand our three cardinal rules, they will easily answer their own questions when bitching about cops. Here are the rules tax payers; so play close attention...

RULE #1: ALWAYS GO HOME AT THE END OF YOUR SHIFT

-We strictly adhere to RULE#1 to avoid situations like this....

RULE #2: NEVER GO HUNGRY

-Eating gets us in a good mood! Even if it is Ice Cream!

RULE #3: NEVER GET WET

-Idle time with nothing to do in the rain leads to bad ideas..

There you have it. The cat's out of the bag!

So, if people wonder why that guy is hand-cuffed or why the cops used force or the Taser then see RULE #1. If people wonder why there are police cars parked at the Denny's, then SEE RULE #2. And, if people wonder why there are no cops on the roads when it's raining...SEE RULE #3.

-Anonymous (Retired)

Gruesome Scene

I just left roll call and was on my way to grab a nice warm chocolate glazed donut from our local watering hole, when I saw a van driving crazy and swerving from lane to lane. This was a typical soccer mom type van with the usual "my kid is an honor roll student at..." bumper stickers all over the place.

I lit her up and pulled the van over and did not know I was about to experience one of the most gruesome scenes that I could recall from my 17 years of being a street cop...

I walked up to the driver's door. The female driver looked over at me and was crying and yelling toward the back of the van. My first instinct was that she was involved in some type of domestic dispute and there was a suspect in the rear. The putrid smell that came out of the van was just plain old nasty. There was feces all over the front dash of the van and on her hair and face. I looked toward the inside of the van and saw the suspect... a one year old baby with the runs, playing with and throwing his wet and nasty feces all over the van.

Needless to say... I cut her loose and lost my craving for that chocolate glazed donut I was craving! I have since never looked at Chocolate in the same way.

-Police Officer, Central Florida

Purple Cause?

While effecting a narcotics arrest, the female arrestee kept yelling that I could not arrest her without "purple". She kept yelling "You got no purple, you got no purple". After twenty minutes or so of having her in custody, I finally gave in and asked her, "What the hell is purple?"

She replied, "You got no Purple Cause". From that day forward I refer to Probable Cause as Purple Cause.

-Detective, South Florida

Welcome ...

Welcome my brothers and sisters of the badge; as well as all those friends, family and supporters of law enforcement. Make no bones about it, this is a blog for police officers by police officers. In other words, Pro Police!

All of us in law enforcement do the job that no one else in society is willing to do. We see the things that regular citizens only experience in their nightmares. Yet, we continue to pursue our selfless profession and walk out of our doors every morning knowing that we may never return home to our families. It is with laughter and an often unconventional sense of humor that Police Officers and all those in law enforcement are able to weather all those dark and difficult experiences that we live that are locked up in the deep dark corners of our mind.

This small place, amidst the trillions of gigabytes of the Internet, is where all Police Officers, Deputies, Detectives, Special Agents and those in law enforcement family that protect and serve can immortalize their laughter, tears, fears and experiences in any form (word, photo, video, post card or email, etc.).

This small corner of the universe will be our place to show the world how we are human, compassionate, empathetic, brave, selfless and above all else how we utilize laughter to carry us through everyday as we pursue our often thankless efforts to the respective communities we serve.

The underlying tone of this blog will emphasize the satirical elements of your experiences as a law enforcement officer. This will not be a place to complain about any work related issues nor about any departments, supervisors or co-workers. This is a place to immortalize your memorable experiences that are often only exchanged amongst our selves; often only from car window to car window.

All posts will be scrutinized for any inappropriate or questionable content. All posts will be anonymous as anonymity will release any inhibitions that may prevent you from sharing and immortalizing your experiences with the world.

Just let us know the capacity of your law enforcement employ (ie; Officer, Deputy, Detective) and the geographical region you are from (ie; South Georgia, North Maryland, South Florida); or just keep it anonymous.

NOTE:

If you are not in law enforcement and wish to share a positive experience, funny photo or video...please feel free to make a comment on a post or submission.

So...What is your Big Blue Fish Story?